New Year's (P)resolutions

Year in and year out, people always make it a point to list down things that they want to change or improve upon in their lives. Some are trivial while some are literally life-changing. Some succeed, some succeed to some extent, while most people just forget about the things they listed down. Last year I made a huge leap a day after the Mayan Apocalypse, and to say that it changed my life is a terrible understatement.

I created a Facebook account.

For years, I have managed to avoid the service altogether but I did take the plunge days before a new year. That's beside the point. I am a chronic non-completer in terms of New Year's Resolutions. I can't help it, it's just how I was built. That one instance a year ago is the only recent resolution that I have ever followed through on.

I could easily identify these past couple of years by labels -- the year of change, the year of deconstruction, the year of rebuilding, and so forth. I've always tried to get a handle of everything, set a measure for every single thing in my life.

So, I'm throwing away past conventions. Saying that my New Year's Resolution is to not have a New Year's Resolution is becoming too commonplace, and it's way to easy to perform. What I want to do is to make a resolution before I'm supposed to. I want to flip my fears and insecurities on its head and just dive head first. It's not about being reckless, it's about being carefree.

Years ago, I would be too worried what people might think when they read this post, how my writing would be judged or whether or not they would like it. The fear crippled me in a way that I hadn't thought to comprehend. It's debilitating and I'm tired of it. I always ended up being too overwhelmed that it prevented me from ever writing anything. It's the small details that kill you in the end, is what applied, I think.

Just before I'm supposed to, I'm leaving those fears behind. Bring wrong grammars and constantly repeating words. Goodbye metrics and conventions, your presences have been felt but I'm taking off without you.

Farewell, "Year of Change." Hello, "Year of I-won't-even-bother-naming-you."